My heart is so heavy as I write this. The doctor's have given Steph's Dad no hope... the family is already grieving. Somehow in all this, they perforated his bowel and now that is the main issue. It's slowly poisoning his body and causing the other issues (his heart and kidneys) to get worse. The doctors recommended turning off the defibulator since it's not regulating his heart anyway and its' just causing more pain. So that's what they did this morning... that's what he asked them to do. Two of his grandchildren's brithdays are coming up in the next few days and he didn't want to die on either of those days... he didn't want their day to always be linked to his death. WOW. Unless God intervenes with a miracle, he will slowly slip away.
I'm so broken up over this. Steph and I have been friends for a long time and her sister Jenn is a good friend too. They adore their Dad and for good reason-- he's a good man. This will be such a great loss for them and all their siblings and especially their Mom. They've been married like 50 years. Steph's mom was a widow with a little girl when they met. Mr. Don was instantly smitten with her and her daughter. They got married and he adopted Kathy as his own. Then they had 7 more, plus two boys that were stillborn. He loves his family and they love him.
My Dad and Mr. Don have had all the same heart ailments, so we've always walked this road together. she supports me when my Dad is down and I try to reciprocate. Right now, I feel so inadequate to the task of being strong for her. I have cried so much for them since Friday- this just happened so fast. I try not to cry when I'm talking to her but then I just lose it. I was just talking the other day about Steph and Den trying to have a baby. She never said this, but I felt like one of the reasons to do it so quickly after her health issues is that she wanted her Dad to be apart of her kids lives. I was just telling someone that the other day... when all this started, I thought again about it. Last night, she told me that very thing, just crying her eyes out. Her dad will never see her kids, hold her kids, love them. I so understand that... I fear the same thing. What do I say to that??? I just don't know. I usually have a million things to say, but now I can't find one word to make this better for her. That hurts me-- that I can't help her bear this load. She has ALWAYS been right there for me when my folks have had surgeries and scares. I want to do the same for her...
Lord help me to be just what she needs. Give me words of comfort and strength to speak to her. Be with her Dad- let him feel you near. I know you can still heal him and I ask that you do, your will be done. Be a constant companion to her family and let her lost family members reach out to you in their sorrow and pain. Please Lord, ease their pain as only you can.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Life as I know it...
So what's new with me. Hmmm... my hours got cut at work which is not good, but I'm done stressing about it. I was like "Lord, I just got a new car. NOW????" lol. My pastor preached a sermon 2 Sundays ago that spoke right to my heart-- my supply is in God, not my job or bank account. I have to trust in that- he's always provided and I know he always will.
Us @ Logans. 
Chillin @ home.
So this is me in my wig. I know- it doesn't look like me. I bought this for my cruise and have worn it occasionally. Some people love it, some think it's ok, some really hate it (my family) Lol. I wore this to the Fall Festival@ church and so many people did not recognize me. Isn't that hysterical?? I love being able to be incognito so easily. (imagine "SecretAgentMan" playing) McDaniel, Kristy McDaniel.
Jen & Marcus brought Cassie to the festival as a ladybug. She was so cute. Here are some pics of her just so you see how cute she is naturally... I adore this kid!
Us @ Logans. 
Chillin @ home.We had game night at Jluv's last Friday and it was fun. I made some remarks that night that will haunt me for a while. In fact, Leslie and D were cracking up Sunday at church over them... shame on you guys. LOL.
We had a surprise birthday party for my neice on Saturday. She turned 9 (going on 30). Oh, this child... my brother was so mad at her for not acting surprised at all. She was just like, "oh" when she saw everyone and everything. I got her a karaoke game to play which was a blast. She loves to sing-- even more than I did at her age. My mom and cousins sang, which was hysterical. I love being with my family. We watched "Journey to the Center of the Earth" which was a great movie. I loved the book, but the movie is not a based on the book per se. It was different but more kid friendly.
Steph's Dad is really sick. His kidneys have stopped working and fluid is backing up. It's throwing his body off, especially his heart. The defibulator is not keeping up so his heart is only working at like 10-15% right now. They are now transferring him from the heart hospital to Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. She's on her way there now. Please pray for him and the family.
Steph's Dad is really sick. His kidneys have stopped working and fluid is backing up. It's throwing his body off, especially his heart. The defibulator is not keeping up so his heart is only working at like 10-15% right now. They are now transferring him from the heart hospital to Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. She's on her way there now. Please pray for him and the family.
Monday, November 10, 2008
I haven't posted in a while and I apologize but this a rant-blog. Just me blowing off some steam about a few topics and sharing my heart.
I have a cousin who is very dear to me- she's like my mini-me. She's 27 and single, beautiful and smart. She and her Mom are driving the other day and she makes a comment ending with "when I get married". Her Mom looks at her and says "You're never gonna get married". Just like that. She looks at her mom and says "Wow, that was a little ugly. Would you like to tell me why you just said that?". Her Mom said "No... you're just not ever gonna be married". Needless to say, she sat there, already having a bad week and struggling with being alone, and cried. Her Mom just watched and said nothing. They drove for HOURS and her Mom never said a word to her. NOT ONE WORD!!! She still hasn't said anything. Her mom is my cousin, too, but right now, I don't want to claim her. Why would you say that to your child? Someone you know already struggles with being single and not feeling attractive. I am amazed at peoples' callous disrgard for others feelings. The crazy thing is that the Mom was one of my closest friends when I was growing up. She was always there for me when I was strugging with life and God. What has happened to her? I am just amazed that she can be so cold to her own flesh & blood. It's not right!!!
Then I hear about the little 8yr old boy that killed his father and a boarder that lived with them. I don't know all the specifics but this little one apparently shot his Dad and this other man 4 times each. They are trying to charge him with premeditated murder charges-- an 8YR OLD. I cannot fathom that... I actually feel nauseated just thinking about it. I know that this world is an evil place but that the innocence of an 8yr old can be replaced with a desire to kill is surely a sign of the end times.
I know in the Gospels it talks about children and parents turning on each other. I don't want to speak out of context but I think most of it was Jesus talking about His not coming to bring peace but division... that in the latter days, as Christians, you won't even be able to trust your own family not to betray or even harm you. Micah says something very similar about your own household being your enemies. In my cousins' situation, her Mom actually does feel animosity towards her partly because of her strong convictions. I know this for a fact... sad considering she herself once was a strong Christian but she doesn't like the conviction it brings on her now. People, it's only gonna get worse for us. I love the passage in Micah because it says all of that about betrayal of friends and family, but it ends with his confidence that the God of his salvation will hear his plea. I myself need to really grasp that-- the only true thing in this life we can count on is God's inability to betray or fail us-- HE CAN'T AND HE WON'T. Though my cousin's heart breaks over her mom, at least she knows her heavenly Father will never be cold or callous. One day very soon, we will all have to cling to that. With the world getting more wicked, we soon will face persecution even from our own beloved. We must cling to God more tightly than ever and pray for ourselves and each other. We also must pray for our children- the world's children.
I wonder who failed this little boy. I weep as I write this. His Dad apparently was an avid hunter who taught him how to load and shoot a gun... but someone failed to teach him about the sanctity of life. Please don't mistake me- I truly mourn for the two men who lost their lives, as I don't know their relationship with God and that they left grieving wives behind, but how does an innocent child just turn into a cold-blooded murderer? There are no signs of any abuse at all. Did he watch all of these "kids" shows where the person dies but comes right back to life "magically" and think thats what would happen? Did he watch movies where you act out in violence whenever you feel like it and there is no real punishment? What caused this tragedy? One word- sin. Sin turned paradise into hell on earth. The world is sinful-- the things of it are sinful. Children are the innocent victims in a world of utter chaos and depravity. One thing is so apparent: WE ALL NEED TO BE VIGILANT WITH THE CHILDREN IN OUR LIVES!!!
More and more, I realize that. I know as a single girl with no kids thats easy for me to say but there are alot of kids in my life that I love and try to guide. We let our kids grow up too fast and watch stuff way too early. I don't understand some of the trash people allow their kids to watch-- most of the time through lack of attention, which is sometimes caused by divorce. Steph's stepson is obsessed with Naruto, an animated Japaneese "hero" who is the holding vessel for a demon who is a ninja fighter. I kid you not- he is a container for a demon. These shows have people being routinely killed and brought back to life, doing supernatural things. And we wonder why the miracles of the Bible don't amaze kids now like they did us... they just saw something just like it on their favorite cartoon. This is the stuff our kids are watching... and they see nothing wrong with it. Or with Harry Potter. Or with the hundred other shows about demons, magic, or just smart alec kids. Now I know that I will step on some toes but Hannah Montana is not a good role model to me. She is better than most, I agree, but still not good. She talks back and is disobedient but never really gets in trouble. Hello??? I know kids at 3,4,5 are so cute when they say cutesy, smarty things, but it's not so cute at 8,9,10 when they don't get why they shouldn't back talk and disobey.
I will admit I do tend to try to parent other peoples kids-- it's a drawback of working with kids since I was 14. I get on my brothers' and Chucks' nerves especially, and I will proably be awful with my God-daughter Cassie. I know I should just shut up sometimes, but it's that whole "open mouth, insert foot" thing I guess. LOL. I actually looked up stuff online and gave it to Steph and Dennis about Naruto so that they would know what Jarrod was watching and reading. I really feel that kids are given too much latitude at too early an age. I don't believe in smothering a child, but I do think tethering one is a good idea. Give them some space but only still within your reach. Don't be their friend- be their PARENT.
I don't know what caused this little boy to do such a heinous thing-- it's unimaginable and yet it happened. I don't know what's caused my cousin to be so cruel to her own child. All I know is that there is supposed to be a natural affection between a parent and a child. This world is slowly eroding that away, bit by bit. We must defend the family, our families. We can't afford the high cost if we don't. We have to raise up our children in a way that we know without a doubt we have mirrored God to them. Then when they look to the world, they see what a pale, grim place it is and want no part of it.
Well, that's my rant. It's rambling and may not be very well articulated but it's my heart right now. I will try to blog on a lighter note later...
I have a cousin who is very dear to me- she's like my mini-me. She's 27 and single, beautiful and smart. She and her Mom are driving the other day and she makes a comment ending with "when I get married". Her Mom looks at her and says "You're never gonna get married". Just like that. She looks at her mom and says "Wow, that was a little ugly. Would you like to tell me why you just said that?". Her Mom said "No... you're just not ever gonna be married". Needless to say, she sat there, already having a bad week and struggling with being alone, and cried. Her Mom just watched and said nothing. They drove for HOURS and her Mom never said a word to her. NOT ONE WORD!!! She still hasn't said anything. Her mom is my cousin, too, but right now, I don't want to claim her. Why would you say that to your child? Someone you know already struggles with being single and not feeling attractive. I am amazed at peoples' callous disrgard for others feelings. The crazy thing is that the Mom was one of my closest friends when I was growing up. She was always there for me when I was strugging with life and God. What has happened to her? I am just amazed that she can be so cold to her own flesh & blood. It's not right!!!
Then I hear about the little 8yr old boy that killed his father and a boarder that lived with them. I don't know all the specifics but this little one apparently shot his Dad and this other man 4 times each. They are trying to charge him with premeditated murder charges-- an 8YR OLD. I cannot fathom that... I actually feel nauseated just thinking about it. I know that this world is an evil place but that the innocence of an 8yr old can be replaced with a desire to kill is surely a sign of the end times.
I know in the Gospels it talks about children and parents turning on each other. I don't want to speak out of context but I think most of it was Jesus talking about His not coming to bring peace but division... that in the latter days, as Christians, you won't even be able to trust your own family not to betray or even harm you. Micah says something very similar about your own household being your enemies. In my cousins' situation, her Mom actually does feel animosity towards her partly because of her strong convictions. I know this for a fact... sad considering she herself once was a strong Christian but she doesn't like the conviction it brings on her now. People, it's only gonna get worse for us. I love the passage in Micah because it says all of that about betrayal of friends and family, but it ends with his confidence that the God of his salvation will hear his plea. I myself need to really grasp that-- the only true thing in this life we can count on is God's inability to betray or fail us-- HE CAN'T AND HE WON'T. Though my cousin's heart breaks over her mom, at least she knows her heavenly Father will never be cold or callous. One day very soon, we will all have to cling to that. With the world getting more wicked, we soon will face persecution even from our own beloved. We must cling to God more tightly than ever and pray for ourselves and each other. We also must pray for our children- the world's children.
I wonder who failed this little boy. I weep as I write this. His Dad apparently was an avid hunter who taught him how to load and shoot a gun... but someone failed to teach him about the sanctity of life. Please don't mistake me- I truly mourn for the two men who lost their lives, as I don't know their relationship with God and that they left grieving wives behind, but how does an innocent child just turn into a cold-blooded murderer? There are no signs of any abuse at all. Did he watch all of these "kids" shows where the person dies but comes right back to life "magically" and think thats what would happen? Did he watch movies where you act out in violence whenever you feel like it and there is no real punishment? What caused this tragedy? One word- sin. Sin turned paradise into hell on earth. The world is sinful-- the things of it are sinful. Children are the innocent victims in a world of utter chaos and depravity. One thing is so apparent: WE ALL NEED TO BE VIGILANT WITH THE CHILDREN IN OUR LIVES!!!
More and more, I realize that. I know as a single girl with no kids thats easy for me to say but there are alot of kids in my life that I love and try to guide. We let our kids grow up too fast and watch stuff way too early. I don't understand some of the trash people allow their kids to watch-- most of the time through lack of attention, which is sometimes caused by divorce. Steph's stepson is obsessed with Naruto, an animated Japaneese "hero" who is the holding vessel for a demon who is a ninja fighter. I kid you not- he is a container for a demon. These shows have people being routinely killed and brought back to life, doing supernatural things. And we wonder why the miracles of the Bible don't amaze kids now like they did us... they just saw something just like it on their favorite cartoon. This is the stuff our kids are watching... and they see nothing wrong with it. Or with Harry Potter. Or with the hundred other shows about demons, magic, or just smart alec kids. Now I know that I will step on some toes but Hannah Montana is not a good role model to me. She is better than most, I agree, but still not good. She talks back and is disobedient but never really gets in trouble. Hello??? I know kids at 3,4,5 are so cute when they say cutesy, smarty things, but it's not so cute at 8,9,10 when they don't get why they shouldn't back talk and disobey.
I will admit I do tend to try to parent other peoples kids-- it's a drawback of working with kids since I was 14. I get on my brothers' and Chucks' nerves especially, and I will proably be awful with my God-daughter Cassie. I know I should just shut up sometimes, but it's that whole "open mouth, insert foot" thing I guess. LOL. I actually looked up stuff online and gave it to Steph and Dennis about Naruto so that they would know what Jarrod was watching and reading. I really feel that kids are given too much latitude at too early an age. I don't believe in smothering a child, but I do think tethering one is a good idea. Give them some space but only still within your reach. Don't be their friend- be their PARENT.
I don't know what caused this little boy to do such a heinous thing-- it's unimaginable and yet it happened. I don't know what's caused my cousin to be so cruel to her own child. All I know is that there is supposed to be a natural affection between a parent and a child. This world is slowly eroding that away, bit by bit. We must defend the family, our families. We can't afford the high cost if we don't. We have to raise up our children in a way that we know without a doubt we have mirrored God to them. Then when they look to the world, they see what a pale, grim place it is and want no part of it.
Well, that's my rant. It's rambling and may not be very well articulated but it's my heart right now. I will try to blog on a lighter note later...
Monday, October 27, 2008
My weekend
Well, another weekend has gone by and this one was a good one. On Friday night, we had a surprise supper for Trace at Cracker Barrel. She genuinely had no idea-- it was great. She walked in and saw Chuck and I and was like "Hey". Surprised to see us but not connecting it with her birthday. Then when she caught sight of Chris, she got an inkling. She looked at JLuv, then at Chris, then at us. She realized then that it was no coincidence that we were all there... D and Shauna came later and we all had a good time.
We went back to Trace's afterwards and played Loaded Questions, which was so much fun!!! I hope that we were able to give Tracey a great night- she has been giong through alot lately with her Dad. She worries so much about his relationship with the Lord. He says everything is good but then says things that let her know it's not. I love that girl so much... she is a sweetheart. Her dad and my step-dad are 2nd cousins- so we're family too. I pray for not only a physical healing for her Dad, but more importantly for his spiritual healing.
I spent the rest of the weekend with my family-- my parents, my brothers and my neice. I had my birthday meal on Saturday (which was all my favorites plus my favorite dessert). Then yesterday, I went to my home church. I love that church... it's where I attended for most of my life. LOL. I love seeing my family and church family that I don't get to see often. I always sing a couple songs-- some of my favorites that I don't get to do anymore. They've listened to me sing for all these years and have always been my encouragers.
Plus, they still sing hyms, which I LOVE. You know, it's strange how the very things we really didn't like become the things that comfort us the most. I remember going to college and them singing all worship chorus'... I loved it but soon I began to miss my hymns. The ones that I heard from my infancy- literally. LOL. "The Old Rugged Cross", "I'll Meet You In the Morning", "Victory In Jesus", "Love Lifted Me", "Jesus Breaks Every Fetter", "In the Cross", "The Glory Land Way" and of course, "I'll Fly Away". I remember crying as a youngster when I heard "I'd Rather Have Jesus"- it still makes me tear up when I sing it now. It just speaks to me. Those songs just soothe my soul because they remind me of my childhood and they still resonate now as much as they did when written. My mom has started integrating in newer worship songs but those hymns will always be a tradition in my home church and I am glad.
Well, my nightmare finally came true. Ever since I have been teaching the little ones (3&4 yr olds), I have been worried to death that one day, something would happen, and they would be all alone, to run amuck with no supervision. I don't know why I have had that fear, but it happened this Sunday. I told our children's pastor last Sunday night I would be gone this weekend, but I intended to remind her during the week so she wouldn't forgot. Well, I forgot and didn't call her. She forgot and didn't get a sub for me. We had 16 show up for my class!!! My kids are sooooo great that they probably just went in and sat down and were just waiting on Ms. Kristy to show up and bring their snack. LOL. Chuck called last night and told me & I was freaking out!!! He said that one of the moms went to drop her kid off and when she didn't see anyone, went and told Carla. My poor kids will think I abandoned them!!! They'll be asking me a bunch of questions next week, I guarantee... LOL. Thankfully, they didn't try to stage a coup or anything, but it's still scary. Carla is so great- she is calm to my overreaction. LOL. Teaching the little ones was a leap for me because I had only taught 5 and up before. They terrified me at first but they were so tolerant and loving and sweet that I began to enjoy it. I love it now... I wouldn't trade them for the world.
We went back to Trace's afterwards and played Loaded Questions, which was so much fun!!! I hope that we were able to give Tracey a great night- she has been giong through alot lately with her Dad. She worries so much about his relationship with the Lord. He says everything is good but then says things that let her know it's not. I love that girl so much... she is a sweetheart. Her dad and my step-dad are 2nd cousins- so we're family too. I pray for not only a physical healing for her Dad, but more importantly for his spiritual healing.
I spent the rest of the weekend with my family-- my parents, my brothers and my neice. I had my birthday meal on Saturday (which was all my favorites plus my favorite dessert). Then yesterday, I went to my home church. I love that church... it's where I attended for most of my life. LOL. I love seeing my family and church family that I don't get to see often. I always sing a couple songs-- some of my favorites that I don't get to do anymore. They've listened to me sing for all these years and have always been my encouragers.
Plus, they still sing hyms, which I LOVE. You know, it's strange how the very things we really didn't like become the things that comfort us the most. I remember going to college and them singing all worship chorus'... I loved it but soon I began to miss my hymns. The ones that I heard from my infancy- literally. LOL. "The Old Rugged Cross", "I'll Meet You In the Morning", "Victory In Jesus", "Love Lifted Me", "Jesus Breaks Every Fetter", "In the Cross", "The Glory Land Way" and of course, "I'll Fly Away". I remember crying as a youngster when I heard "I'd Rather Have Jesus"- it still makes me tear up when I sing it now. It just speaks to me. Those songs just soothe my soul because they remind me of my childhood and they still resonate now as much as they did when written. My mom has started integrating in newer worship songs but those hymns will always be a tradition in my home church and I am glad.
Well, my nightmare finally came true. Ever since I have been teaching the little ones (3&4 yr olds), I have been worried to death that one day, something would happen, and they would be all alone, to run amuck with no supervision. I don't know why I have had that fear, but it happened this Sunday. I told our children's pastor last Sunday night I would be gone this weekend, but I intended to remind her during the week so she wouldn't forgot. Well, I forgot and didn't call her. She forgot and didn't get a sub for me. We had 16 show up for my class!!! My kids are sooooo great that they probably just went in and sat down and were just waiting on Ms. Kristy to show up and bring their snack. LOL. Chuck called last night and told me & I was freaking out!!! He said that one of the moms went to drop her kid off and when she didn't see anyone, went and told Carla. My poor kids will think I abandoned them!!! They'll be asking me a bunch of questions next week, I guarantee... LOL. Thankfully, they didn't try to stage a coup or anything, but it's still scary. Carla is so great- she is calm to my overreaction. LOL. Teaching the little ones was a leap for me because I had only taught 5 and up before. They terrified me at first but they were so tolerant and loving and sweet that I began to enjoy it. I love it now... I wouldn't trade them for the world.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
My Birthday Prank
Ok, my co-workers are CRAZY!!! Let me preface this story by saying that they desperately want to see me married with a family. They think I am too picky and get tired of me never following through with dates or crushes. They have tried to set me up with people, even having them come to work with them so I can "Meet them". They drive me nuts, but I know it's because they love me. Really, I should just keep my big mouth shut about men and they wouldn't know my business, but that bridge has already been crossed. Anyways, on to today...
So this morning I get to work and they have a cake for me. My boss brought me cinnamon rolls y'day since he was off today so I was surprised to get a cake too-- Until I saw the cake. It said "Happy Birthday, Kristy" then a clock in the middle with "tick-tock" at the bottom. I have to admit it was funny, but then they took it a step further. I had seen them all whispering amongst themselves, but thought maybe they were telling a joke I wouldn't want to hear. No such luck. I have to open up the window for customers at 8am, so I go out there and taped to the door is this big signs with balloons attached. "Happy Birthday to our 'single' clerk Kristy 1-800-Dr Phyllis."
(See, forever ago, during one of my lectures to Chuck about who knows what, he called me "Dr. Phyllis" to be funny. Well, in a moment of utter stupidity on my part, I told my co-workers & I will forever regret that mistake... they won't let it go!!!)
I just stopped dead in my tracks and was mortified. People had been coming in and out all morning long seeing this sign. I came back in and asked if someone was smoking crack or something because there was fixing to be some workplace violence going on. They all acted like they had no idea what I was talking about. They were almost rolling laughing so hard.
I immediately took down the sign amidst them protesting their innocence. Then later on, they had a clerk in Columbia come by and tell me that there was big sign up right by my house saying the same thing. Well, that wasn't true-- they just want to torture me... it's like working with my older brothers and cousins sometimes. They forget, though, that they have birthdays too... HE HE HE (imagine evil laughter).
I have had worse birthday pranks, mostly in college or by my cousins, but this one was good. I have to give it to them- they have imagination. Lol.
So this morning I get to work and they have a cake for me. My boss brought me cinnamon rolls y'day since he was off today so I was surprised to get a cake too-- Until I saw the cake. It said "Happy Birthday, Kristy" then a clock in the middle with "tick-tock" at the bottom. I have to admit it was funny, but then they took it a step further. I had seen them all whispering amongst themselves, but thought maybe they were telling a joke I wouldn't want to hear. No such luck. I have to open up the window for customers at 8am, so I go out there and taped to the door is this big signs with balloons attached. "Happy Birthday to our 'single' clerk Kristy 1-800-Dr Phyllis."
(See, forever ago, during one of my lectures to Chuck about who knows what, he called me "Dr. Phyllis" to be funny. Well, in a moment of utter stupidity on my part, I told my co-workers & I will forever regret that mistake... they won't let it go!!!)
I just stopped dead in my tracks and was mortified. People had been coming in and out all morning long seeing this sign. I came back in and asked if someone was smoking crack or something because there was fixing to be some workplace violence going on. They all acted like they had no idea what I was talking about. They were almost rolling laughing so hard.
I immediately took down the sign amidst them protesting their innocence. Then later on, they had a clerk in Columbia come by and tell me that there was big sign up right by my house saying the same thing. Well, that wasn't true-- they just want to torture me... it's like working with my older brothers and cousins sometimes. They forget, though, that they have birthdays too... HE HE HE (imagine evil laughter).
I have had worse birthday pranks, mostly in college or by my cousins, but this one was good. I have to give it to them- they have imagination. Lol.
God is good
33 years ago, God gave me life. Yes, I was conceived by my parents and my mother gave birth to me, but God is the source of my life. I am so BLESSED to have been born in a Christian home to parents that loved God (and me) with all their hearts. I don't have alot of memories of my Dad but I remember being little, crawling under the pews at church, watching him teach or preach; watching my Mama teach Sunday School, lead song service, cleaning the church. I not only heard the words, but saw it lived out. What a foundation to build on. Then after my Dad died, my Uncle Henry stepped in and wonderfully fathered me until my step-dad came along. Even though we have had some rocky, rocky times, I understand that God has used him to form things in me that I would need now. He did his best to be a good Dad to me but sometimes people aren't equipped to be parents, you know? As an adult, I love him more than as a teenager I ever thought I could. lol. We have a good relationship now and I am glad he's my Dad. I have been so blessed...
I thank God for all my blessings- family, friends, health, my job, my church, all of my many "kids". I thank Him most of all for my life. He gave me my first breath 33 years ago when I was born, then gave me a second breath after I attempted suicide, then gave me a brand new start when I surrendered that life to him when I was 15. What an awesome God I serve!!! He truly puts a song in my heart and a joy in my soul that nothing can take away. God is good!
I thank God for all my blessings- family, friends, health, my job, my church, all of my many "kids". I thank Him most of all for my life. He gave me my first breath 33 years ago when I was born, then gave me a second breath after I attempted suicide, then gave me a brand new start when I surrendered that life to him when I was 15. What an awesome God I serve!!! He truly puts a song in my heart and a joy in my soul that nothing can take away. God is good!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Help me, Lord...
Do you ever have those days of utter confusion? I do... this weekend was my "confused" weekend. You know what I mean? I try to wrap my brain around situations or incidents that defy my thinking... then I make myself crazy because I can't Make it make sense or make them understand. I want so badly to be able to fix people-- fix them to my way of thinking or acting. Fix them so they don't hurt me or make me cry. But you know what? As I grow up into this "adulthood", I realize that I can't fix someone else. It's not in my power. And sometimes they don't need to be fixed- I do. Sometimes all you can do is hand them or the situation to God and say "Here, Lord. You know what needs to change, whether it be in me or them. Change it according to Your will, not mine. Help me to love them like you love me."
Unconditional love is sooo hard. "It keeps no record of sin" 1 Cor 13:3. Real love doesn't remember when the person did the same thing to you 3 months ago or 3 years ago. It doesnt't keep track of wrongs. My Mama is like that... I am so blessed to have a Godly mother yet she shows me how far I have to go. We have family and church members that have done things to her that honestly make me livid and break my heart... yet she loves them anyway. Seriously, would give them her last drink of water in the desert. I am soooo not like that. I allow others actions to cause my reactions to them. I hate that I am that way. You can't have a "breaking point" as a Christian-- if Christ had had one, I would have blown by it long ago. I know that there are times when people or situations become unhealthy to us as believers and we must separate ourselves... but I do it when it's just too hard for me to love them anymore. I so need God to work on my heart- to toughen it so that wrongs just bounce off, to soften it that I feel overwhelming love at ALL times.
"Lord, give me the heart of Christ. A heart of unconditional love that even when being spit upon, beaten, and bruised, His eyes were full of pain not for Himself, but for Their need of a Savior. Let me love more than I am loved, even when I am hated or mistreated. Help me to let things go and be both thick skinned and soft hearted. Thank you for your unconditional, steadfast love that has been my mainstay for all my life... I love you, Father."
Unconditional love is sooo hard. "It keeps no record of sin" 1 Cor 13:3. Real love doesn't remember when the person did the same thing to you 3 months ago or 3 years ago. It doesnt't keep track of wrongs. My Mama is like that... I am so blessed to have a Godly mother yet she shows me how far I have to go. We have family and church members that have done things to her that honestly make me livid and break my heart... yet she loves them anyway. Seriously, would give them her last drink of water in the desert. I am soooo not like that. I allow others actions to cause my reactions to them. I hate that I am that way. You can't have a "breaking point" as a Christian-- if Christ had had one, I would have blown by it long ago. I know that there are times when people or situations become unhealthy to us as believers and we must separate ourselves... but I do it when it's just too hard for me to love them anymore. I so need God to work on my heart- to toughen it so that wrongs just bounce off, to soften it that I feel overwhelming love at ALL times.
"Lord, give me the heart of Christ. A heart of unconditional love that even when being spit upon, beaten, and bruised, His eyes were full of pain not for Himself, but for Their need of a Savior. Let me love more than I am loved, even when I am hated or mistreated. Help me to let things go and be both thick skinned and soft hearted. Thank you for your unconditional, steadfast love that has been my mainstay for all my life... I love you, Father."
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