Grief

My heart is so heavy as I write this. The doctor's have given Steph's Dad no hope... the family is already grieving. Somehow in all this, they perforated his bowel and now that is the main issue. It's slowly poisoning his body and causing the other issues (his heart and kidneys) to get worse. The doctors recommended turning off the defibulator since it's not regulating his heart anyway and its' just causing more pain. So that's what they did this morning... that's what he asked them to do. Two of his grandchildren's brithdays are coming up in the next few days and he didn't want to die on either of those days... he didn't want their day to always be linked to his death. WOW. Unless God intervenes with a miracle, he will slowly slip away.

I'm so broken up over this. Steph and I have been friends for a long time and her sister Jenn is a good friend too. They adore their Dad and for good reason-- he's a good man. This will be such a great loss for them and all their siblings and especially their Mom. They've been married like 50 years. Steph's mom was a widow with a little girl when they met. Mr. Don was instantly smitten with her and her daughter. They got married and he adopted Kathy as his own. Then they had 7 more, plus two boys that were stillborn. He loves his family and they love him.

My Dad and Mr. Don have had all the same heart ailments, so we've always walked this road together. she supports me when my Dad is down and I try to reciprocate. Right now, I feel so inadequate to the task of being strong for her. I have cried so much for them since Friday- this just happened so fast. I try not to cry when I'm talking to her but then I just lose it. I was just talking the other day about Steph and Den trying to have a baby. She never said this, but I felt like one of the reasons to do it so quickly after her health issues is that she wanted her Dad to be apart of her kids lives. I was just telling someone that the other day... when all this started, I thought again about it. Last night, she told me that very thing, just crying her eyes out. Her dad will never see her kids, hold her kids, love them. I so understand that... I fear the same thing. What do I say to that??? I just don't know. I usually have a million things to say, but now I can't find one word to make this better for her. That hurts me-- that I can't help her bear this load. She has ALWAYS been right there for me when my folks have had surgeries and scares. I want to do the same for her...

Lord help me to be just what she needs. Give me words of comfort and strength to speak to her. Be with her Dad- let him feel you near. I know you can still heal him and I ask that you do, your will be done. Be a constant companion to her family and let her lost family members reach out to you in their sorrow and pain. Please Lord, ease their pain as only you can.

Life as I know it...

So what's new with me. Hmmm... my hours got cut at work which is not good, but I'm done stressing about it. I was like "Lord, I just got a new car. NOW????" lol. My pastor preached a sermon 2 Sundays ago that spoke right to my heart-- my supply is in God, not my job or bank account. I have to trust in that- he's always provided and I know he always will.

So this is me in my wig. I know- it doesn't look like me. I bought this for my cruise and have worn it occasionally. Some people love it, some think it's ok, some really hate it (my family) Lol. I wore this to the Fall Festival@ church and so many people did not recognize me. Isn't that hysterical?? I love being able to be incognito so easily. (imagine "SecretAgentMan" playing) McDaniel, Kristy McDaniel.

Jen & Marcus brought Cassie to the festival as a ladybug. She was so cute. Here are some pics of her just so you see how cute she is naturally... I adore this kid!

Us @ Logans. Chillin @ home.

We had game night at Jluv's last Friday and it was fun. I made some remarks that night that will haunt me for a while. In fact, Leslie and D were cracking up Sunday at church over them... shame on you guys. LOL.

We had a surprise birthday party for my neice on Saturday. She turned 9 (going on 30). Oh, this child... my brother was so mad at her for not acting surprised at all. She was just like, "oh" when she saw everyone and everything. I got her a karaoke game to play which was a blast. She loves to sing-- even more than I did at her age. My mom and cousins sang, which was hysterical. I love being with my family. We watched "Journey to the Center of the Earth" which was a great movie. I loved the book, but the movie is not a based on the book per se. It was different but more kid friendly.

Steph's Dad is really sick. His kidneys have stopped working and fluid is backing up. It's throwing his body off, especially his heart. The defibulator is not keeping up so his heart is only working at like 10-15% right now. They are now transferring him from the heart hospital to Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. She's on her way there now. Please pray for him and the family.

I haven't posted in a while and I apologize but this a rant-blog. Just me blowing off some steam about a few topics and sharing my heart.

I have a cousin who is very dear to me- she's like my mini-me. She's 27 and single, beautiful and smart. She and her Mom are driving the other day and she makes a comment ending with "when I get married". Her Mom looks at her and says "You're never gonna get married". Just like that. She looks at her mom and says "Wow, that was a little ugly. Would you like to tell me why you just said that?". Her Mom said "No... you're just not ever gonna be married". Needless to say, she sat there, already having a bad week and struggling with being alone, and cried. Her Mom just watched and said nothing. They drove for HOURS and her Mom never said a word to her. NOT ONE WORD!!! She still hasn't said anything. Her mom is my cousin, too, but right now, I don't want to claim her. Why would you say that to your child? Someone you know already struggles with being single and not feeling attractive. I am amazed at peoples' callous disrgard for others feelings. The crazy thing is that the Mom was one of my closest friends when I was growing up. She was always there for me when I was strugging with life and God. What has happened to her? I am just amazed that she can be so cold to her own flesh & blood. It's not right!!!

Then I hear about the little 8yr old boy that killed his father and a boarder that lived with them. I don't know all the specifics but this little one apparently shot his Dad and this other man 4 times each. They are trying to charge him with premeditated murder charges-- an 8YR OLD. I cannot fathom that... I actually feel nauseated just thinking about it. I know that this world is an evil place but that the innocence of an 8yr old can be replaced with a desire to kill is surely a sign of the end times.

I know in the Gospels it talks about children and parents turning on each other. I don't want to speak out of context but I think most of it was Jesus talking about His not coming to bring peace but division... that in the latter days, as Christians, you won't even be able to trust your own family not to betray or even harm you. Micah says something very similar about your own household being your enemies. In my cousins' situation, her Mom actually does feel animosity towards her partly because of her strong convictions. I know this for a fact... sad considering she herself once was a strong Christian but she doesn't like the conviction it brings on her now. People, it's only gonna get worse for us. I love the passage in Micah because it says all of that about betrayal of friends and family, but it ends with his confidence that the God of his salvation will hear his plea. I myself need to really grasp that-- the only true thing in this life we can count on is God's inability to betray or fail us-- HE CAN'T AND HE WON'T. Though my cousin's heart breaks over her mom, at least she knows her heavenly Father will never be cold or callous. One day very soon, we will all have to cling to that. With the world getting more wicked, we soon will face persecution even from our own beloved. We must cling to God more tightly than ever and pray for ourselves and each other. We also must pray for our children- the world's children.

I wonder who failed this little boy. I weep as I write this. His Dad apparently was an avid hunter who taught him how to load and shoot a gun... but someone failed to teach him about the sanctity of life. Please don't mistake me- I truly mourn for the two men who lost their lives, as I don't know their relationship with God and that they left grieving wives behind, but how does an innocent child just turn into a cold-blooded murderer? There are no signs of any abuse at all. Did he watch all of these "kids" shows where the person dies but comes right back to life "magically" and think thats what would happen? Did he watch movies where you act out in violence whenever you feel like it and there is no real punishment? What caused this tragedy? One word- sin. Sin turned paradise into hell on earth. The world is sinful-- the things of it are sinful. Children are the innocent victims in a world of utter chaos and depravity. One thing is so apparent: WE ALL NEED TO BE VIGILANT WITH THE CHILDREN IN OUR LIVES!!!

More and more, I realize that. I know as a single girl with no kids thats easy for me to say but there are alot of kids in my life that I love and try to guide. We let our kids grow up too fast and watch stuff way too early. I don't understand some of the trash people allow their kids to watch-- most of the time through lack of attention, which is sometimes caused by divorce. Steph's stepson is obsessed with Naruto, an animated Japaneese "hero" who is the holding vessel for a demon who is a ninja fighter. I kid you not- he is a container for a demon. These shows have people being routinely killed and brought back to life, doing supernatural things. And we wonder why the miracles of the Bible don't amaze kids now like they did us... they just saw something just like it on their favorite cartoon. This is the stuff our kids are watching... and they see nothing wrong with it. Or with Harry Potter. Or with the hundred other shows about demons, magic, or just smart alec kids. Now I know that I will step on some toes but Hannah Montana is not a good role model to me. She is better than most, I agree, but still not good. She talks back and is disobedient but never really gets in trouble. Hello??? I know kids at 3,4,5 are so cute when they say cutesy, smarty things, but it's not so cute at 8,9,10 when they don't get why they shouldn't back talk and disobey.

I will admit I do tend to try to parent other peoples kids-- it's a drawback of working with kids since I was 14. I get on my brothers' and Chucks' nerves especially, and I will proably be awful with my God-daughter Cassie. I know I should just shut up sometimes, but it's that whole "open mouth, insert foot" thing I guess. LOL. I actually looked up stuff online and gave it to Steph and Dennis about Naruto so that they would know what Jarrod was watching and reading. I really feel that kids are given too much latitude at too early an age. I don't believe in smothering a child, but I do think tethering one is a good idea. Give them some space but only still within your reach. Don't be their friend- be their PARENT.

I don't know what caused this little boy to do such a heinous thing-- it's unimaginable and yet it happened. I don't know what's caused my cousin to be so cruel to her own child. All I know is that there is supposed to be a natural affection between a parent and a child. This world is slowly eroding that away, bit by bit. We must defend the family, our families. We can't afford the high cost if we don't. We have to raise up our children in a way that we know without a doubt we have mirrored God to them. Then when they look to the world, they see what a pale, grim place it is and want no part of it.

Well, that's my rant. It's rambling and may not be very well articulated but it's my heart right now. I will try to blog on a lighter note later...